Hopefully exhaustion is a step to happiness
“Luck ain’t even lucky, got to make your own breaks,” It’s My Life, Bon Jovi
So last night I believe I reached total exhaustion to the point that I fell asleep sitting up typing my blog. Thankfully my laptop never fell to the floor and my tiny bladder eventually woke me up. This morning once I woke up from clearly much needed sleep, I wondered if this was a sign that I really needed to not take on so much. Between work, marathon training, blogging, school and my actual life, my time and life is pretty much planned up to the minute. Looking at my room it’s clear I am never home in time to clean up (it’s a disaster!).
The problem, I really don’t see anything that I can cut from my routine to make more time for myself. I am trying to apply Laura Bush when thinking of each time suck in my life and wondering what she would do.
Work: Yeah, this one can’t really be cut as I do need to work. Having a job that keeps me on my feet all day is just exhausting regardless. I don’t work full time, but it feels like it most weeks. My class I instruct hasn’t started yet, but once it does it will be another thing taking up time. I am not complaining since I like work and am thankful that I do work, but it still wears me down. As each day comes and more work is added either by picking up more shifts, grading papers, freelancing for local publications, I will just remember that Laura Bush never got anywhere sitting on her butt. She may not need to work now, but she wasn’t always a child of privilege. She did work, and she worked hard. The life of a starving artist is not for the weak, but I have realized the past couple of months, it is for me. The judgment from friends and the world hurts, but I don’t care. Money doesn’t motivate me, happiness does. I don’t have fancy things or all the latest toys, but I do have happiness.
Marathon Training: This takes up lots of hours, but you don’t cross that finish line without training. People that have never run a marathon may not understand the time commitment or why I would stay in Friday night since I have a long run in the morning, but that is on them. Working my schedule to fit in the runs is tough, but worth it. I have the support of my fellow runners and that is all I need. There is no place I would rather be when I am running. Without it, I would be a mess. After all, I do have a goal of 10 full marathons before taking a break and those miles aren’t going to log themselves. Laura Bush I think would understand this love and passion of running and encourage me to get those miles in.
Blogging: Ok, this I also love! I admit that I have slacked a little on daily posts, but I am working on getting better at this. This has already led to many opportunities, so why stop now? Rome wasn’t built in a day. I may have to tweak my routine a little to accommodate getting back on track of daily posts, but never fear, this blog is going nowhere. Of course Laura Bush would encourage me to keep at this, it is after all inspired by her.
School: Grad school classes have not begun yet, but once they do it will take the majority of my time. Not so much because of the amount of classes I am taking a semester, but because it has been a long time since I have been back in the classroom and I am rusty. There is an awful lot of preparation before I even start. I sometimes wonder why I even decided to go back to school, but like everything else in my life, it comes down to happiness. I don’t particularly like school, but I love learning. It will be a struggle, but it will be great once I (hopefully) graduate. When I start to doubt going back to school I will remember how much Laura Bush loves learning and education. She doesn’t know me, but I like to think she would be proud of me when I receive that diploma.
My Life: This is the one thing I have to plan everything around. By that I mean, making sure everyone around me is happy and I do as much as I can when asked. All my life people have been telling me that I need to step back and not do everything that is asked of me. Not attend every function I am invited to, but that is hard for me. I am honored whenever someone wants to spend time with me or invites me to another party. I might complain and be like, “damn another kid’s party,” but that doesn’t mean I won’t be there. I will be there. I do agree with some of my friends that I am taken advantage of since people know I will always be there, but that isn’t a bad thing. I am aware of these people, but it still won’t stop me, it is my character.
People in my life do give me hell for being so busy and not having time for them all day, every day, but this is me. People that accept this fact about me will forever be a part of my life. I will always make time for those people and they know it.
So when exhaustion sets in and I start to wonder why my life and world is so difficult, I will stop and think about Laura Bush. Yes, I may need to say “no” every once in a while, but when I am needed I will be there. And also, try to find more time for sleeping and eating. I think Laura Bush would agree.