Cape Gazette
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The Moments That Matter Most.....

By William Singleton | Jul 23, 2012

 

The terror of the Colorado shooting left me without air as my mind tried to register the unthinkable horror James Holmes delivered to the innocent men, women and children at the movie theater. My vivid imagination needs no encouragement to envision myself taking my own grandson to see Batman. We love having fun together and the whole day would've been a renewed adventure for me seeing the world through Jaeden's eyes. Everything is so big to the little 3 foot toddler and yet he knows no fear often charging ahead letting go of my hand... He wouldn't even have realized what was happening as the hot metal metal ripped apart the seats and the people around him. His terror would've only been swallowed by my own as I completely related to the desperation of the parents that shielded their own children with their bodies. I remember listening to a mother's gut wrenching account of the tear gas, the bullets, the blood, the screaming as she frantically carried her children to safety....

 

No one should ever have to experience that kind of mind numbing terror. The heroes who sacrificed themselves to save family and friends have a special kind of courage unlike our brave soldiers who protect us day and night. These people have had no special training to react under pressure in a life threatening crisis and yet they did. My blood pulses with violence as I look at the smirking picture of the monster who premeditated and enacted this tragedy! I struggle with confusion wondering how could someone, anyone commit such a grotesquely evil act? I admit I think he should just be put down like a mad dog and I realize that this is not a very therapeutic response. I don't want to draw conclusions about his upbringing, his IQ or the possible issues he must have had to birth such an abhorrent act.

 

Who really cares right, who really wants to take a look behind the door? Who really wants to understand that kind of insanity? I don't have the slightest inclination to peel away the layers of that spoiled onion. All I can think of is how grateful I am to be here at this moment aware enough, sober enough, insightful enough to have quality time with the people I love... I didn't always feel that way in the not so distant past I was so self absorbed with my own pain that my negative emotions rotted inside me. The anger, self pity, depression had turned inward like a black hole sucking the joy out of everything and everyone around me. I isolated barricading myself from the world easily falling prey to the temporary relief of sex, drugs and alcohol...

 

The man I used to be wouldn't even have been at the movie theater to protect or save my grandson and if he would've died I would've memorialized him by blacking out... That is the hard ugly truth of the addiction... We aren't there... We are emotionally absent from the world around us, checking out when it's convenient, making excuses to ourselves believing the lie we have created. I don't want to live my life insulated from the world around me. Life is full of magic with incredible wonders that can make you giggle like a child or scream with agony from jagged pain that rips the flesh from your heart, either way we need to be present because these are moments that matter most... God bless the survivors and families of the Colorado shooting you are in my prayers...

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